city of blinding lights;

edited!!

我只希望我们会一直一直的开心.
我什么都不要. 只要我们开心的在一起.
baby, 你知道我爱你吗?

wo zhi xi wang wo men hui yi zhi yi zhi de kai xin.
wo shen me dou bu yao.
zhi yao wo men kai xin de zai yi qi.
baby, no zhi dao wo ai ni ma?

spent the day unhappily.
spent the day with him being upset.
i had no idea what he was thinking about.
i have no idea how to go about doing things.
i was lost. i admit i am. and i still am.

i dont deny lots of things have been on my mind.
i dont deny ive been thinking about him and i.
i dont deny the thought of giving up has came across my mind.
for this once, i really am lost.

met him. and headed to meet deshun at 7pm.
and i went home. cos they're going to work.
the way he treats me when he's with me;
and the way he treats me when his fren's around..
is totally different.
you denied. but you aint me.
how would you know how i felt? you'll never know..
when the bus came, he just walked away w/o turning back.
usually, he'd wait till i wave goodbye to him on e bus..
but with his frens ard, he didnt care n bother much..
i messaged him. and asked him about it.
he actually lied. and told me he did turn.
but from the moment the bus came, till i board, till i sat;
i've been looking at his back view..
looking at him walked away.. without turning back once..
how could he actually lie? what is he trying to prove?
i really have no idea.. why is he like this?
and on the way walking to bus stop..
they planned to work again on vesak day..
and he told me its for once. but this is the second time..
and there will be a third, fourth, fifth time..
he assured me so many things.. but..
which has come true?
he actually forgot meeting out to study ytd n today..
how sincere is he about teaching me?
or how is he even sincere about meeting me?
is there even a less bit of sincerity?
how would you expect me not to be upset?
with his friends around, i am rather invisible.
when we're alone, if i dont pay attn to him, he'd get upset.

im really lost. i really am..
ever since a few days back, or even a week back..
the thought of breaking up didnt occur just bcos of these..
i somehow felt that both him n i'd be happier being just frens..
i dont know why.. but our relationship has been a problem.
we havent been happy.. upmteen times of quarreling..
this isnt a relationship i want..
i want to be happy.. i dont want the quarrels..
i wanna know i even exists when you're with ur frens..
i wanna know i still matter most to you when with ur frens..
with you.. i dont seem to feel these..
i felt as if you're leaving, we're drifting apart..
i've asked myself why are we together..
but i couldnt give myself an answer..
i wasnt sure if we're together bcos we're in love..
or bcos there isnt a reason for breaking up..
in the past, i was certain tt you love me.
in the past, i could feel your love.
in the past, you'd assure me so much when i feel insecure..
in the past, i felt so happy without knowing anything..
after knowing things, i couldnt seem to trust you.
it takes alot on me to decide to ease my mind to trust you.
everytime i make a decision, im so afraid i'll be disappointed.
i no longer have that courage to love, to trust..
and im thinking.. if i should let you go...

maybe you going would make you a happier man.
maybe you'd find a girl you love even more than you love me.
i dont know anything. i cant decide.
i dont want to make any decision now.
my mind isnt calm enough.
i aint prepared to make any decision.
i only hope we can spend more time together..
i seriously felt that we're drifting apart..
our love is fading away as the time past..

may the guardian of love bless us.. i love you*

well well. enough of love.. really troubled.
im feeling so god damn tired. but. i wont budge.
i will not sleep. i shall stay awake. haiis.
alrights. had math paper 1 today.
overall, it was a do-able paper.
but i had <10 marks deducted. haiis. disappointed.
but well. hopefully i will pass with a score of 30.
i'll be contented. im serious.. God Bless*

didnt had geography make up today though.
was postponed i heard. hopefully there'll be one soon.
feeling damn shagged. but...
i guesss i'll be studying a little.
before i really surrender and go to bed.
today wasnt a long day.
but an unhappy day will eventually make one tired.

had a little tiff with him.
hopefully time will cure all wounds.
and hope in a short while he'd be fine.
for now. im gonna wash my face.
and perhaps watch some vcds while studying.
before 11pm comes and i rewatch dolphin bay.
cos i missed the first 1/2 an hour. was home late.

well. take care guys.. and be happy if you can.
cos being happy has always been a choice, not a chance.

enjoy your weekend. God Bless ^^

posted by babies- @ 12:36:00 PM